Let’s get right to the point here.
Arguments happen to every couple. When you share your life with someone, fighting every now and then is inevitable. However, there are definitely good ways and bad ways to navigate those arguments.
We’ve all heard sayings such as “love shouldn’t hurt” or “pick and choose your battles.” I believe both are true to an extent. I say this because not every situation is alike. Sometimes, there are grey areas and I’ll admit this. The way I see it is, if loving someone is hurting you more than it’s making you happy, it’s probably time to examine how you and that person are communicating.
Hannah and I have a history of… let’s just say, not so great relationships. From these relationships, we have learned a thing or two that we actively apply to our relationship every single day.
Here are 6 tips for navigating through arguments.
Disclaimer: none of these tips are exclusive to romantic relationships. These tips can be applied to all of the relationships in your life.
Tip #1: Stick to the original topic.
This one is our game changer. More often than not, when a couple has tension and then decide to hash it out, the original reason for the tension gets lost or even forgotten. Between screaming and bringing up old tension, it’s easy to lose track of the problem at hand. In those moments where you need to share your thoughts or feelings, try to stick to the topic at hand. Don’t bring up problems from the past.
This tip has changed the way that I think about arguments. When Hannah and I need to get something off of our chest, we always talk about todays’ problem. We don’t bring things up from 3 months ago and argue about it today. We deal with things as they come.
Tip #2: No name calling.
This one may seem silly to some of you reading this but it’s also another game changer. I’m not talking about calling your best friend “bitch” out of love and fun. I’m talking about calling your partner a “bitch” out of anger. Whether they tell you or not, being called out of your name in the heat of the moment hurts, especially coming from someone you love and trust.
This is a common one because honestly, we’ve probably all been there. We’ve all said some things we didn’t mean out of anger, but respecting someone’s name should be a top priority. This tip may come easier to some and it may be more difficult for others, but believe me when I say respect is a strong foundation for any and all relationships.
Tip #3: Don’t argue over text.
I know, it’s 2017, how the hell are we supposed to argue whenever we want without text? My answer to that is simple. You can’t argue whenever you want. Some things need to be dealt with either in person or a phone call at the least. Let me say this, I’ve had my fair share of texting arguments and let me tell you, it ALWAYS went badly, and very quickly at that. Arguing over text almost never translates well. Texting doesn’t take into account things such as facial expressions and tone of voice. These two things alone can dictate where the argument goes.
If you just have to hash it out right then and there and you aren’t physically with the person, my advice would be to put it off until you’re able to either see them in person or call them.
Tip #4: Be understanding
Arguments are inevitable, but it doesn’t mean they have to go from 0 to 100. Every argument doesn’t have to be world war 3. In most cases, the upset party or parties just needs you to listen and to understand. You don’t need to understand right then and there but you do need to listen and try to understand how they’re feeling.
Listening may sound easy but honestly, it’s not always easy. Don’t zone out waiting for your turn to talk, don’t interrupt them and don’t get upset with them for being upset.When the upset party is venting and expressing themselves to you, just listen.
Tip #5: Talk, talk, talk
This tip stops Hannah and I from ripping each others heads off. I’m kidding guys, but seriously, talk, talk, talk. If someone you love says or does something to offend you, try your best to address your feelings then. In our experience, the more you bottle up your feelings, the more aggressive it’ll come out later. It’s taken me about 6 years and meeting Hannah to get to a point where I feel comfortable expressing my negative feelings in the moment. This has helped me feel lighter. 17-year-old Ariana wouldn’t dare express her negative feelings to a soul gasp.
Tip #6: Apologize
Yes, I said apologize. Apologizing holds way more weight than most people even consider. The important part of an apology is it being genuine. Sometimes you may feel like you didn’t do anything wrong, but if you hurt someone you love and they are expressing to you that you hurt them, a simple apology can go a long way.
As I mentioned in tip #2, relationships should have a foundation of mutual respect. Denying someone an apology can jeopardize that foundation of respect.
These tips won’t all come easily.
These tips are communication skills that we both have spent a lot of time working on. But trying to incorporate these tips into every day arguments will make it easier and easier every time.
Don’t forget to check out our last post where we carve pumpkins for the first time here!
Keep on spreading the love!
Until next time,
Ariana & Hannah